Thursday, April 28, 2011

More Events Need Draft Treatment

The NFL Draft is something unique and interesting.  Though all major sports do a draft, none have the pomp and circumstance of the NFL Draft.  It captures the attention, seeing these young men we watched play in college graduate to the next level, become men amongst men.  In their nice suits and clean cuts, they are no longer the warrior they were on Saturdays.  They are the clean cut career men subject to the whims of fans on Sundays.

Perhaps the greatest shame of it all is that more events in our lives are not like this.  Why should leading a more mundane life take away the thrill of being chosen by others in front of many?  Why can't every day events have the importance of being chosen to play on a field for the rest of your career (i.e. the next three years)?

Not Draft Worthy
Imagine how much more fun going to a crowded restaurant would be.  Where once you looked at a long line, heard an hour wait and thought, "Eff this.  Let's go to Arby's." your decision would be radically changed if you sat there waiting anxiously for your name to be called.  Each time the hostess would approach the mic and say, "For the next seat in the non-smoking section, we at Applebee's select..."  Your heart would hang on every word.

Each time your name was not heard you would sink lower and lower into the funk of hunger and sadness.  Finally you hear your name.  You and your company bound up to the hostess table.  You're given a menu that you hoist about proudly like a fresh jersey with your draft number on it.  You're elated, and you're about to be fed.

Something as previously elaborate such as the modern proposal would be altered forever when every man would jump at the chance to propose in such a manner.  Instead of getting on one knee you walk up to the podium.  "For the rest of his life..." and sensible pause to build tension, "I, (your name here) would request the hand of (her name here)."

Not the Engagement Ring
As the tears well up in her eyes, she ambles up to the podium.  With a big, manly hug and an allowable kiss on the cheek you present the ring.  You both hold it with pride and honor as she cries.  As it slips on her finger you both are escorted back to the green room where you are allowed to do... uh... what ever you crazy kids do.  Just please, for the love of all things good, clean up after yourselves and keep it polite.  Other people are right after you.  And you're wearing microphones.  Take them off before you do anything.

Not all events would be given this amount of fan fare.  There are some things that are just too sad or intense for the draft treatment.  As you're waiting to see your broken arm, torn ACL, or turf toe (you weekend warrior you) looked at, there's slightly less desire to be fancy and important.  You kind of just want to be seen and given pain killers.  Speaking of which, there's at least one other place I can think of that would not need the madness of the draft.

No One Wants Chosen for This

Stop Booing Everything
Just think of how much better and more interesting our lives would be if you were waiting to be taken next, be given what you need, or choosing something when you have scores of people behind you ready to cheer and boo your every move.  It would make getting up every morning a little bit easier and a lot more rewarding.  Unless you're a Jets fan.  In that case you'd be perpetually miserable.

 The draft is tonight.  I suggest business owners of America take notes and implement your plans starting Monday.  I promise I'll be there for the grand re-opening.
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