It's that time of year. Preseason football is upon us and as per yearly tradition it's time for this:
If you were a red-blooded male in high school, at one point there wasn't much on your mind: sports, women, sports, women, food.
Your time was tempered by wondering what the girl of your choice would look like in the suit that nature had made for her.
Also, if you were like most red-blooded males, you knew you had zero chance of ever finding out.
However, there was one way. One hope. One wish. One dream.
The girls' locker room.
"If only..." you would think to yourself. "If only I could see through to the other side."
high-school dreams and fantasies could be realized with one simple wish
granted, and no doubt you'd like what you saw at first. Even if it were
just a glimpse. Then time would continue on. You'd still look, but
realize that you wanted more.
Viewing was nice, fine,
awesome...but you wanted the next experience, the next step. You were no
longer satisfied with just seeing. You knew the world was bigger than
just that view, and you were ready.
Every year, this experience plays out in a smaller, less perverse way: The NFL preseason.
training camp, it's like we're in high school again. We wonder what's
behind that door, because the most beautiful sport just walked through.
Only, in this scenario, we get to see through the walls. It starts with
the Hall of Fame Game and that first week, we're pumped. We're excited.
We see the beautiful girls.
There's Peyton Manning, and Tom Brady! Look, Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, and Calvin Johnson! It's Andrew Luck and Arian Foster!
The wall has come down and we see, in all of its glory, what our eyes had craved for so long.
Then the cheerleaders would leave and the women's rugby team comes in.
Terrelle Pryor? Matt Leinart? Tim Tebow? Oh man...what am I watching?
enjoyment of what we once yearned for quickly fades, as we realize: not
every girl is hot. Likewise, not all football is entertaining.
bide our time, like waiting for that special night, when the proverbial
cherry is popped and the new season starts. It may not leave you as
breathless, but you're relieved it's over, and you talk about it with
all of your friends.
Much like your high school love,
the preseason attraction will fade, and most of you will have your
hearts broken. One of you in 32 will marry that woman you saw on the
other side of the wall, and you'll love every flaw that you saw on her.
thing about this school is that you don't graduate. At the end of the
year, you're right back to wishing you could see through those walls.
You forget all about what just happened; even the happily married couple
You're right back to wishing you could see
that track star after her run, know what Antonio Brown and the other
cheerleaders look like, and you don't even think about Charlie Whitehurst
and that rugby team.
Right now, I've had enough of looking through walls.
I'm ready to fall in love with the 2012 season.
Let's go Steelers. May you make a beautiful bride. For the seventh time.